Sigh

I am a complete grump today. I am just so worn out and overstressed.

Chris's brother passed away on Wednesday evening and so Thursday we packed up and heading up to his mom's. We knew it was coming as he had cancer in his pancreas, lung, and liver. He was 5'8 and was barely over 100 lbs. He was only 54 and he looked like he was over 70. Chris knew he wouldn't make it through the summer. So on Saturday was the funeral, which Chris officiated. Some people may think it was a little strange for him to officiate his own brother's funeral but he wanted to make sure it was heartfelt and personal. Since he didn't go to church (though Chris was able to get him to repent and come back to the Lord as he was baptized when he was younger) he had already been sick and wasn't able to get out at all and so while we could have found someone else to officiate, they wouldn't have known him at all and it would have been really routine. It was the first funeral he had done and he was really nervous, but it went really well and he did a wonderful job. He definitely gave his brother a great send off. He said it was really strange to only have 2 living brothers now, as one of his other brothers was killed about 10 years ago when he was hit head-on on his motorcycle when a car crossed over into the other lane going around a curve.

I have also not been feeling really well. Just lots of contractions and really really hurting, which makes sleeping not very easy. Add that to all the traveling we have been doing and I am just one worn out girl.

Oh yeah, and still nothing on the job. We were told they would let us know in a couple of days. We are now going on over a week. I'm taking that as not a good sign. They asked him the other day to fill in some blanks on his resume and asked for job information going back to 92. He did the best he could, but that was almost 20 years ago! During a time when he wasn't even a Christian. He was in his early 20's and was pretty much a bum. So who knows. So it is quite stressful around here. No job, no money, and a baby who will be here soon.

Sigh.

Trying to hang on and trust the Lord and not get caught up on when I think things should happen.

Motivation at last

There is nothing like having constant contractions all night while your husband is 1300 miles away and you are home by yourself to kick your butt in gear and get motivated. I absolutely cannot wait until he gets home on Tuesday morning (well Monday around midnight). Just the thought of delivering without him being here makes me cry. I really was getting scared last night though. I usually don't start feeling this way until about 38 weeks or so, if that. So it has come as quite a surprise that I am having these types of contractions, having this type of pressure, and having this type of crampiness so early. I'm trying to really take it easy until Chris gets home, after that it's game on! lol

So, the first thing on my To Do list: Pick out names. How sad is that?

I have a list for the hospital bag, for things I need to buy, and for things I need to do. I imagine I will go out on Tuesday after my doctor appointment to pick up the things on my Need to Buy list. Hopefully, Chris will come home with a job so I won't feel guilty for having to buy some things!

He said it is really beautiful up in Montana. Tomorrow he will be officially trying out and meeting everyone so please keep him in your prayers. I always get so nervous for him! He tends to get going a little fast when he gets nervous so hopefully he will be able to slow himself down.

I am so not ready.

So lets see...tomorrow I am going to be 36 weeks. Which means in 4 weeks, plus or minus, this little one will be coming. Do you know what we have ready? Absolutely nothing. Not one thing.

All of the baby clothes are still sitting in storage. The crib is in pieces in our bedroom. I have nothing washed or sterilized. I haven't bought any going-home outfits. I haven't even THOUGHT about a hospital bag let alone get one started. We don't even have names, whether it be a boy or a girl.

Am I just in denial that things are getting close or what? What in the world is my problem? I just cannot get motivated to do anything. I feel absolutely no urgency.

I honestly think a part of my problem is I absolutely did NOT want to still be here, living in this apartment when the baby came. I didn't even let myself think about the possibility. I hoped and prayed that Chris would find a job before August hit so we could get moved in plenty of time. Well, obviously the beginning of August has come and gone and we are still here, jobless. And now we have passed the deadline. We both said that if he hadn't found anything by the first of August we would be cutting it too close to move anywhere until after the baby is born. And it is. There is no way I would feel comfortable moving anything now before the baby comes. Which is depressing.

I hate being here. Have I mentioned that??? I have no clue where I am going to put anything for the baby, which is probably also part of the problem. There is just no space left.

Chris is flying out tomorrow for a tryout in Montana and will be gone for 4 days. He has to leave here about 5 am and won't be back until just before midnight on Monday night. I hate that he is going to be gone that long. I don't think we have every been apart that long, and it's kind of creepy to be home by yourself at night with just the kids. We are obviously hoping he gets the job, but most of all we are hoping we get an answer one way or the other quickly. It's wishful thinking, but hopefully before he leaves there on Monday afternoon. Although, this is Chris and I you are talking about so we probably won't hear anything until September.

Sorry about the whiny post. I'm thinking I probably shouldn't have written tonight. Stress levels and emotions are at a max. And I now think, just in writing all of this out, that the hormones are starting to kick in because now all I want to do is go cry into my pillow.

My dearest hubby:

When I just happen to mention certain ice cream blizzards that just happen to sound really good, it is advisable NOT to reply with, "you do realize it doesn't get any easier to lose weight the older you get, right".

It's 90+ degrees out and I am almost 9 months pregnant. I have a built-in heater growing inside of me. I'm hot! AND, just because I said it sounded good doesn't mean I was going to go out and get it...it just SOUNDED good!

Baby update

Sorry for the delay! Really though, there wasn't much to say. It was just your normal boring routine. I will have the Strep B test at the next appointment and he will start checking me at that appointment and every appointment afterwards. Things are getting close! So my next appointment is next Tuesday and then they will be every week after that.

I am definitely ready, though I fully expect to go over my due date. Still though, I'm ready! I am just such a grouch and my patience level is nil. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sleep, it hurts to get up. And it is HOT! Being pregnant throughout the summer has definitely been difficult to say the least. I don't go outside unless absolutely necessary, which I think has been a part of my mood problems. Loved being pregnant throughout the winter...throughout the summer, not so much.

As a positive though, Faith absolutely loves feeling the baby move. She had her hand on my stomach at church tonight and had a huge grin on her face when it would move. It was just too precious and completely melts the heart.

Burnin down the house

I am just going to throw it out that one way to NOT impress a congregation is by almost burning down their lake house. Not that I would ever do that. Ahem.

Chris and I and the girls went back to Kentucky for a tryout with another congregation. The couple had a lake house that we stayed at, which WOULD have been really cool had we not had a one year old. A 16 month old + lots of breakables everywhere = one very stressed mama and daddy. One of us had to be right there with for the entire time. We seriously could not turn our back. We somehow left without having anything broken.

As mentioned in the title, I did, however, almost burn down their house. I was ironing my shirt Sunday morning. I had about half of it done when I noticed it wasn't really getting any wrinkles out anymore. I noticed that the light wasn't on, and then I touch the bottom and noticed that wasn't all that hot either. I grabbed the plug to pull it out and it started to pop, like it was shorting out. I pulled my hand away and 2 seconds later there are flames coming out of the cord. Talk about freaking out! I just stood there for a second horrified and then just yanked the cord out of the outlet. It fried half the cord and the outlet was completely black. Ah yes, nothing like having to tell your host that you fried their iron and almost burned down their house. Nope, I didn't feel like an idiot at all!

It was a really strange tryout though. The men didn't meet with him to talk about goals, expectations, what have you...absolutely nothing. In fact, the only ones we saw outside of actual service were the couple who owned the house we stayed in. When we were on our way home we were just kind of like...ooooookkkkkay. It felt like he was just doing fill-in preaching. So not really sure what to think about that.

While we were in Kentucky Chris got a call from 2 other congregations. One of which was from the congregation I talked about below. They had emailed earlier in the week and had explained that they had spent a lot of money earlier in the year to try preachers out, had one hired, he was supposed to start in June but had to turn it down at the last minute. They were therefore seriously considering just doing a telephone interview and then hiring from there. Well, they called Saturday and said the men had talked and they wanted to FLY Chris out there. Gulp. I'm really hoping that if they are paying for him to fly out there (because it wasn't cheap) that that is a really really good sign. So in 11 days he will be heading out. Obviously I can't fly and won't be going. Nope, not jealous at all! We are pretty sure he is the only one they are flying out though.

He also got a call from a congregation in South Carolina. Unfortunately though it doesn't seem like he will be able to go there. The only time in August they could have him there is at the end of August. Chris explained that he would love to come and try out but that is just too close to my due date. And they were wanting me to come too. And they wanted him to drive, even if he did end up having to come by himself. So yeah, a 13 hour drive, by himself 1-2 weeks from my due date. Not so good.

It is obviously getting really really hard to be able to schedule tryouts seeing how we are just about 5 weeks to my due date. Chris doesn't want to travel too far after this trip to Montana. Will I go earlier? hehe, um, history tells us no. Still, he doesn't want to risk it.

Hopefully we will hear something soon from someone. We are really really hoping he gets the job in Montana! We still aren't quite sure what we are going to do in August financially wise. So keep the prayers coming.

And can I just say, I absolutely can't believe I am almost 35 weeks pregnant! I have an OB appointment tomorrow and so I will update more on that tomorrow. I know, I know, I have you on the edge or your seat. How will you sleep tonight! lol

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

Man, I am obviously NOT a jedi.

Trying to will Chris's phone to ring isn't working.

We are waiting on news for a tryout. On Saturday they said they were interested but they had to meet Sunday on when we would come up. We are still waiting word.

I refuse to think of it as an option until a date is scheduled.

In other good news, Chris has another tryout in Kentucky. On Saturday he had 2 calls from churches before he even got up. The one in which I'm trying to will our phone to ring, and the one in Kentucky.

Please keep up the prayers guys!