What is going on???

Can someone tell me why, for the past 2 weeks Samantha has been doing awesome with potty training. She has had no accidents, was wearing panties without a problem. And then, yesterday and today, she doesn't seem to want to go to the potty until AFTER she has an accident. She pooped 3 times in her panties just yesterday, and had 2 pee accidents before I finally gave up and put her in a diaper. This morning, I just got her dressed without a diaper. She just peed in her pants...AGAIN. I have no clue what is going on and why she is regressing. We were doing so good!

I just don't like it

My baby is a growing....way to fast if you ask me! He has outgrown just about all of his 0-3 month stuff and is now in 3-6 month. I only have a few outfits here at home, the rest are in storage. Guess I'd better get there and get them out!

Serious decisions

On our way back from the church Chris preached at this past Sunday, we hit again on a subject we have come back to time and again since Faith was born. The mighty subject of what would happen to our children if, God forbid, something should happen to the both of us. Who would they go to?

While we have hit on it before, I can't seem to get it out of my head these past few days. It's never easy to decide these things, because really, who really wants to think of someone else parenting your children. It's even more difficult for us because we have certain qualifications we would like to have met. We want them to be raised by Christians, a fellow brother and sister in the Lords church. That leaves out, well, all of our family. We have talked about it so many times, and we just don't feel comfortable leaving them with either side. If not family, who then?

That is what we don't have the answer to. Who would be willing to take all 3 of our children and who isn't family? Someone who would raise them as their own and raise them according to God's word. I'm going to guess there aren't many who would. It seems most everyone else who we attend with all have family who are also members. They all have someone they can go to. We have no one though.

I want to have a plan. I want to be able to choose who they go with. Yet, we have no idea where or how to even start or bring up the subject.

This is just such a serious decision...I'm just about in tears just typing this post up.

I survived

My mom's trip that is. It was quite uncomfortable and I was constantly watching what I said but I survived. She was actually only with us a few hours each day. To be honest, I don't know why she bothered except to get pictures to send back to show she was here and to take to work to play off she is the greatest grandparent ever. Sunday I expected because Chris was preaching at a congregation that was a bit of a drive. But Saturday she was able to spend the whole day with us. You know how long we saw her? 4 hours. Broken up into 2 2 hour chunks. Before she left Sunday night I was mentioning something about breastfeeding Eli for a year. She got the most disgusted look on her face and said, "you mean you aren't weaning at 6 months?" I said, "a no, not if I can help it, why?" (I asked why because of the disgusted face and her tone of voice). She said, "don't you think that is a little OLD?". Apparently weaning at the ripe old age of 1 is disgusting. Ah well, at least that trip is over. Probably won't have to deal with this for another year.

Not again

A few nights ago I realized after I fed Elijah that I was getting the burning pain back again. The next night it was so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep. It was then that I realized I had thrust AGAIN. So, off I went and applied the Gentian Violet. The next day, in the early afternoon, I realized I was starting to get really achy. I had done quiet a bit of scrubbing and figured I was just sore. It just kept getting worse though. I finally decided to take my temp just to see. Sure enough, a fever. Then I realized just how bad my breast was hurting. Lifted my shirt only to find half of it looking pretty angrily red and swollen. Ah yes, mastitis again. Because, you know, it wasn't fun enough the first time.

Luckily I didn't get as sick as the first time. I went ahead and called the doc and got an antibiotic just in case it got worse throughout the night. Luckily though my fever broke and I haven't taken them yet. I am still swollen and really sore though. Feeding Elijah on that side is just pure pain. It's unbelievable how much it hurts when he eats. All I can do is grit my teeth and keep chugging along, hoping it all heals up soon.

I'm pretty sure I know the reason. For the past week and a half I have been feeling really run down. I don't know why, I've been getting the same amount of sleep, but getting through the days had been hard. Chris has been so busy at school that I have only seen him about 30 minutes each day. Certainly didn't help with the run down bit. So yeah, that probably messed with my immune system and as a prize I get mastitis. It's the only thing I can think of as to why I would get it again.

And to top it all off my mom got here today. Today went ok, fingers are crossed that the rest of the weekend will go the same.

See...I wasn't exaggerating!

Photographic proof! How is he able to do this so early??? Why do my babies like to grow up so fast???

An update of sorts

I'm really really not looking forward to this weekend. My mom has finally decided to come up to visit and meet her newest grandchild. You know, the one who I spoke about earlier who has told me she is ashamed of me. Yeah, this should be fun. Absolutely nothing has been resolved, she has just chosen to sweep it all under the rug and pretend we are one big happy family. I hate that. Sweeping things under the rug. It's how my family always deals with things when in reality, nothing really gets dealt with. Like today when I was talking to her she said, "I know you don't care for your brother but he really is a good kid". I just about blew up and asked when in the world did I ever say I don't care about him. In fact, I have said the opposite time and time again. Then she quickly said, oh nevermind, I was mistaken. I did tell her though that if she was going to be throwing in jabs like that the entire weekend she might as well stay home. Her tune quickly changed.

Yeah, fun times ahead indeed. Ugh!

Our PAT person came today for her last visit until fall. The girls have already had their evals and so this was just a playtime visit. She also got to meet Elijah and was checking his motor skills. She put him on his belly and completely lifted himself onto his arms, lifted his chest off the ground, and was holding his head up so high and leaving it there. I just about had a heart attack! That was the first time he had done that and I know he isn't suppose to be able to do it for another couple of months. She asked if I was giving him a lot of tummy time, and I told her I had to confess that actually, no, I don't give him as much as I'm suppose to. Usually just once a day. While he was on his belly he was also started to push out with his legs, scooting across his mat. If he keeps this up we are going to have another early crawler. Why do my babies always insist on growing up so fast?

Faith had her last ice skating lesson for this session. She won't start back up until June 9th. Her teacher wasn't able to advance. I knew she wouldn't, she still needs a little more work on one of the requirements. The teacher was so sweet though. She said she felt terrible for not being about to advance her (she absolutely loves Faith). I told her I completely understood. The teacher said if she had advanced her she would have had a lot of problems in the next level. I told her the most important thing was that Faith learn the fundamentals of skating and that she have fun doing it. I don't want her advanced just for the sake of advancing. She is just so thin she doesn't have the same muscle strength as the others yet, which make her have difficulty on the one part.

The other kids that were there today are 5, she is just 3...I think it will be ok!!! Plus, I think the others had already been through that level a few times because from day 1 they already knew how to do some of the stuff.

I'm still amazed at how well she is doing. All of the kids pick up skating so quickly.

Here's a pick from my birthday last month:



And Sammy lovin on baby brother:

Whew, don't want to go through yesterday again!

As you can tell, I had a pretty hard day yesterday. Someone (and most of the time more than 1) was always screaming, crying, whining, etc the WHOLE day. I don't think I'm exaggerating much either. There wasn't a moment I had to myself, from 7 am to 10 pm, since Elijah has decided to forgo naps...well, unless I'm holding him of course. If I dare put him down you would think I was beating the poor thing. I've never heard him scream so hard and loud before until yesterday, all day. At night he nursed for at least an hour and a half until I finally got him to sleep around 10:00. So yeah, talk about sore.

So yeah, by the time the girls' bedtime rolled around I was coming unglued. My head was just throbbing and my patience had long disappeared. I just hate myself when I get like that. I ended up just crying myself to sleep.

Around 2:00 this morning I heard him spit up. Like it actually woke me from my sleep. I laid there for a minute thinking, that was weird, usually there isn't a noise when he spits up. I went to check on him and he was absolutely soaked, half the crib was soaked. I have no clue how much that poor boy threw up, but I have never seen anything like it. I got him rinsed off, changed his clothes, and just brought him back to me because honestly, I just didn't feel like changing his sheet at that moment. About an hour later, same thing. He started gagging and then before I knew it, I was covered. Luckily nothing got on our bed though just on me. So I make sure he's cleaned off, change my shirt and back to bed we go. He never had a fever or anything so I wonder if that hour and a half session really did him in. He didn't act sick today either, thank goodness!

I just can't get past this no sleeping deal though. He sleeps at night just fine but trying to get him to sleep during the daytime is becoming a bit taxing. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there. No wonder he is such a crank at night.

Luckily today was much better. Still no sleeping during the day, but at least it wasn't everyone having a bad day all on the same day. I can deal with 1 or 2 at a time, but when all 3 are having it bad....oi. Hopefully it won't happen again any time soon.

Not a good night

I didn't have a very good night tonight. I'm going to bed not feeling like a very good person, a very good mother.

Tonight I feel like a failure. A failure as a mother, a failure as a wife, a failure as a Christian, a failure as a person.

What has been on my mind lately

It's crazy to even be thinking about this now, but I just can't help myself. I wonder IF Chris is going to be able to find a preaching job (hopefully up north) and if so, WHERE we will be. He still has another year of school but I just can't stop thinking about it. I know it's harder to go up north. There just aren't as many opportunities. But that's where we really want to go. It has been on my mind for a couple of reasons.

First, Chris needs a new car. Well, a new used car, not a new new car. We are really iffy on getting one though. We can pay for it right now, but both of us are a little weary on what happens next year if he hasn't found a job and he no longer has support. That's not an extra payment that we would need on our minds.

Secondly because I recently sent an e-mail to a church that we have been in contact with over the last 2 years just to let them know about our new addition and to update on how Chris is doing. They have been looking for a preacher for the last 2 years but haven't been able to find someone. At the end of his reply email he said he would love to hear one of Chris's sermons. So that got me wondering if he wanted to hear just to see how much he has improved (he heard one of his sermons before he started school), of if he wanted to hear because he may possibly consider Chris for the job, even though he still has another year of school left. I figure they have already waited 2 years, what's another year. I really hate that I'm thinking about it too because I do this to myself all the time and just end up disappointed. We would love to go up to this area, and Chris has had some great discussions and phone calls with this elder. We have never physically been to this church, but he knows what they believe in.

So why can't I stop thinking about all of this??? It's driving me absolutely insane. While I thought about it here and there, I wasn't quite so bad until this last e-mail. Now, I can't stop thinking about the what if's. As hard as I try, I have a hard time being patient!

I wonder if it's also on my mind because I've been thinking more lately on starting to get ready for our 1 month stay up in Minnesota this summer (and a detour to South Dakota to visit another congregation) while Chris works with a congregation. Packing for a month for a family of five is such a daunting task. I run through different lists in my head and it just feels like we are going to have to pack up just about the whole house. Moreso on the kiddos stuff and I don't exactly have a whole big wardrobe to choose from. I mean, I'm going to have to pack things like Eli's bathtub and the girls' seat that goes on the toilet. Then comes the matter on when to get started. Most of this stuff isn't going to be able to be packed up until the day before. So do I just wait and pack everything the day before we leave??? That would be quite the task but I don't know how else to do it. And to think, I still have 2 more months to drive myself crazy over this trip!

So these two issue have been taking up some serious room in the brain. Hopefully it's just a phase and I won't be thinking about it so much.

And, more photos. Here is some playtime fun on a rainy day.

Happy Mother's Day

There are so many posts swimming around in my head it isn't even funny. So much I want to talk about, pictures I want to post. Ah, now if only I had some TIME to do all of this! Don't worry, not going to happen on this post.

I just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there! What did I get for this very special day??? SICK. Ugh. I went with Chris to a church today while he preached that was just over 2 hours away. On the way home I started feeling a little achy. By the time it was time to head back to church for evening services, I was still achy and thought I might have a temp. I took it really quick just to be sure and yup, sure did. So, I went ahead and stayed home so I wouldn't get anyone else sick. I just hope I don't get Elijah sick. Talk about feeling terrible!

Here's some pictures to end with. I finally caught Eli's grin! This is also proof of my day and why I have to keep constant surveillance if he is put on the floor. It's like the know the second he is put down. When he is, this is what happens. Nope, they don't love their brother at all.

Suspicions confirmed

I have a big boy!

He is 13 pounds even and 24 inches long. He is in the 75th percentile for both. He still seems longer than that though. Even the doc commented on how long he was.

The first time she measured him he was 23 inches. I knew that couldn't be right but I didn't say anything. I mean, he was almost 22 inches when he was born and I knew he grew more than an inch. Then the doc came in and commented on how long he looked. So, when the nurse came back in I had her remeasure him. She got 24 inches this time. That sounded more reasonable.

Hopefully he will always be a little bigger than the girls so he can scare away any future....boys. Well, whichever boys are brave enough to get past Chris anyway.

2 months, already!

On the one hand I can't believe it has already been 2 months, on the other hand I can't believe it has only been 2 months. I'm not sure if it is possible for time to both speed up and stop and the same time, but it sure does feel like it.

Elijah is growing just amazingly. I won't know exactly how much until his check-up tomorrow morning, but I know it has been pretty big. He just seem so long. He is starting to go through spurts where he doesn't want to be put down. Some days he will sleep really well, other days he will only sleep for 20 minutes at a time, and then doesn't want to be put down because he is cranky, because he is tired. It's the times that I can't hold him and he cries out that just kill me. Obviously not a whole lot I can do when I'm in the middle of changing Samantha's poopy diaper. His sleeping habits at night are starting to become a noticeable routine. He is a night owl and won't go to sleep until 10:30 or so. He will then sleep until 3 or 4, then wakes again around 6. After the 6:00 feeding he always gets really gasses and will grunt and groan until about 7, when he finally is able to relieve the pressure...then he falls back to sleep.

I love to be greeted in the mornings by his wonderful smile. OK, love isn't quite the word for it. He is always in such a good mood when he first wakes up.

Ah, my sweet little boy!

Stop!

Things I need to stop doing:

Putting myself down. I'm not sure why I do it. I've always done it just jokingly but I never thought about how it comes out to other people. I think Chris started doing it when we started dating, just jokingly and just to get a rise out of me...particularly with my nose. Well, after 11 years (how is it possible that 11 years have gone by already???) I guess it just comes second nature and I didn't even think about how it sounded until yesterday when someone asked me about it.

I also just realized how it comes out to other people when I do this with our children. Describing their own features by putting myself down, inadvertently putting them down as well. I have always said it jokingly, but I need to stop doing it period. I love every single inch of all 3 babes. I don't want to keep doing it and then them end up being self-conscious about it, when really they were always perfect.

I never want them to feel self-conscious about anything. I never want them to judge themselves or others by looks.