Good book for the soul

Elijah just has not been sleeping well at all this past week. I don't know what is going on. Hopefully he will get back on schedule!

I've been reading this great book, "Spiritual Mothering". I actually bought it because I was looking for books to give me ideas on raising Christian children. It wasn't even close to that though. It was about older women being "spiritual mothers" to younger women. To being a great role model and really helping and motivating younger women. It has been a really motiviational book and has really opened my eyes to some things.

It really made me realize that this is what I was yearning for as a new, young Christian woman. I could never put to words what I was hungry for, but while reading this book I was reading exactly what I had wanted and needed but was never able to find. I never had a strong Christian older woman to help me grow, to show me how to be a better Christian woman, wife, and mother. I certainly don't have that in my own family nor do I have a good role model for a mother seeing how my own mother doesn't fit the bill.

Maybe that's why some of those websites I found that I talked about in the previous post really hit home. There were women living how I knew I should be but wasn't sure how. I was able to see first hand how to do it and to see it was possible to be the homemaker I wanted to be. Is that an odd thing to say? I want to be a great homemaker? But it's true. I want to be able to pass on these great skills to my own children.

And while I don't think I quite qualify as a young christian woman anymore, I was able to see what kind of effect it can have on someone if I take that role. How I can help someone grow stronger as a Christian. It's just really weird being at this age because I'm not exactly a young Christian yet I'm not an older Christian either. I'm somewhere in this middle ground.

Am I making any sense to anyone or am I just sounding like a big rambling mess?

The 3 H's

What are the 3 H's you ask? Well, right now they are Homeschooling, Homesteading, and Homemaking. Ok, homesteading and homemaking are kind of the same, just not really. These are just some things I have been working on lately.

Have you heard of the term homesteading? The "modern" term I guess you can say, not the 1800's type of homesteading. I had a thought that I would try to start making my own laundry soap. I've heard great things about it and it will save a ton of money, seeing as how we are always doing laundry now. So I went online and was pulling up some different ways to make it and I ran across some Christian Homemaking websites and thus ran across some homesteading websites. Apparently it is a lifestyle in which you choose to live a life of self-sufficiency. There were so many things that were appealing to me, just doing things on your own. Now I don't think I could COMPLETELY live this way, but I would love to eventually incorporate some of these things into our life. Of course, after Chris graduates and we are no longer living in an apartment. I didn't even know there was a term for it, but there were a lot of good blogs about it. Which then got my mind reeling on something else...

Christian homemaking. Through reading some of these wonderful women's blogs I have really been able to get a better light on how I should be handling our household. Especially since I'm not really working any more. It also gave me some great, healthy recipies that I have been incorporating into our breakfast and dinners. I have started making whole wheat bread, although my first batch didn't go quite so good. Turns out somehow the oven got turned off and so after an hour I took it out of the oven and it completley fell. I didn't know what was going on. Turned out the outside was cooked, the inside was completely raw. I was able to put it back in the oven, and it cooked just fine, it was just really small since it had fell. I'm going to try again later.

I can't even explain as well as I would like the effect some of these blogs had on me. It really opened my eyes as to how to do things and manage things.

Ok, looks like the homeschooling thread will have to have it's own post...I'm off to bed!

Email etiquette

It really drives me nuts when I send someone an email asking a question, needing some support, and that person will not write back. Even when asked a second time when they haven't responded in a few weeks. I mean, if you are afraid of offending me with the answer, don't be, I am an adult and can take whatever your advice/answer may be. What's more offending is simply acting like I don't exist.

Sigh.

I've been waiting for this particular email for 3 weeks. Sent another email a week ago today. Still nothing. It's so frustrating!

Busy little bee

It has been a busy last few weeks. It was decided that we would head back home a week earlier than planned. We were told they were just exhausted from having us (they were 70+). Not quiet sure if I believe that though because the only time we came upstairs was to go outside or if they were eating or if I had to give them a bath. The rest of the time we stayed downstairs in the basement. It was hard staying with people you don't know for a length of time. I just always felt like I was in the way or was disturbing someone. I just hope I didn't do anything. I don't want something I did to look bad upon Chris or the person who recommend us for the internship. They talked to Chris about us leaving on Wednesday and I hurried and packed up everything and we left Thursday morning. They did ask that we not be offended and that we could stay for a few days if we wanted, but I don't stay where I'm not wanted. I hate to say but it sure did bring up some bad memories of being kicked out at 17 (for no reason other than my mom found out it was legal and she wanted to move to another city to be closer to her boyfriend) and a lot of feelings of self-consciousness. Who knows, maybe they really were just tired.

We had a great time up in Minnesota though and met some wonderful people who I hope will always be friends.

On Monday Chris will be starting back to school. It's nice to know that this is his last year but we are all going to miss seeing much of him for the next 10 months. It will be back to being like a single mom. =( I miss having him as my partner and the girls miss him terribly too. BUT this is his last year and so every day is one step closer, every day is a "last". It will be his last first quarter, his last time he will have a class on so-and-so day, etc. And THAT is so exciting. The thing I'm not so excited about is trying to find a job. He thinks he is going to start looking in Jan of next year so hopefully that will give him some time. We are both just really nervous that he won't have anything yet by the time he graduates in June. I mean, we have 3 children and the thought of no money coming in makes me sick to my stomach. Ugh! I keep telling myself to just trust in God and He will take care of us. I absolutely know this is true but at the same time I struggle to let go of control.

I just know that nothing ever is easy for us. We have been together for 11 years and everything is always the hard way. It's nothing knew, but it's just frustrating when you see others with everything just drop in their laps. It's tough when its someone who you see on a daily basis. Like someone he goes to school with got a job he didn't even know he was trying out for when he doesn't graduate for another year. I can't even imagine having that burden lifted knowing that Chris had a job after he graduated before the last year even began. I am really happy for him and his family, and for the congregation he will be preaching for as he is a great preacher all ready, I just hope this isn't another time for us to be having to take the hard road. I just wish things would come easily for us for a change. Whine whine whine! Ok, I'm over it. No more whining!

So, that's where we are. I'm just trying to get some things done around the house while I still have an extra set of hands, things that probably won't get done again until he is done with school. Which hopefully won't need to be done then either because we will be packing to move.. ;-)

Control

I'm having a hard time trying to not let my anger win when it comes to someone who has never had a child be critical and judgmental of me and my children. Yes, Faith is only 3, she does make a mess when she eats. Regardless of where she sits, there is potential for a bit of a mess. Especially said mess is a biscuit that crumbles when you eat it. Yes, Samantha is only 2. She cries. A lot when she gets tired. Yelling at her and telling her to stop is not going to make her stop. Especially since you are a stranger.

This does not make me a bad mother nor does it give you the right to try to correct my children.

I'm just sayin...

It's beautiful up here, but I'm ready to be in my own space again and on my own schedule.

No more pictures for the time being

I have so many pictures to get off my camera that I want to upload on here. Cute pictures of Elijah when he turned 5 months, cute pictures of Sam where I actually got her smiling, pictures of all of us when we went to Duluth yesterday and got a couple of cute family pictures.

Why don't I upload them on here already you ask? (not that you really asked)

My camera is dead. The battery is drained. I could have swore that I packed the charger. I remember setting it out so I wouldn't forget it. BUT I can't find it anywhere. I'm assuming that I did forget it and it is sitting somewhere other than where I need it to be. Turns out another battery is like 50 bucks...um, no thanks! I'm going to try to hunt down a charger, if it's cheap enough.

I really hope I'm able to find one. Now that our car is fixed we have places to go, places to be...which means lots of pictures to take! Grrr!

Random pics from the end of June/beginning of July

I hate that it adds these in backwards. So it is from July 9th on the top to the end of June on the bottom.

He was talking to his froggy...

Why, hello mama!!!!

Oh, sorry froggy, I wasn't ignoring you...

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Yup, he was out that fast. All of a sudden it got really quiet.
Samantha sleeping with her kitty. She has slept with it for over a year.

4th of July...obviously. We were in a parade! She ate this box of nerds one nerd at a time.







Not only does he like to suck on them, but also talk to them.

Sleeping nice and cozy


Sissy giving him some lovin

5 months, where does the time go?

Today, just 5 short months ago, sweet little Elijah came into this world. It's such a strange feeling, and one I no doubt have blogged about before. The feeling of I can't believe it has only been 5 months (as in, that was fast), and also the feeling of it has really ONLY been 5 months (as in, it feels like he has been with us forever). I know I have felt this way with all 3 of them. He is really in a fun phase right now where he is rolling everywhere but not mobile enough for me to have to keep an insane watch on him.

I can't remember where I found the milestones list that I had when we was 4 months and quite honestly, I'm too tired to look now. Here' s a little list though. Obviously he is rolling both stomach to back and back to stomach, and does it to get from point A to point B. He is also able to kind of scootch forward if something is a little out of reach. His eyesight is absolutely spot on. He can see me or his bottle from across the room. He also sees small objects. He has no problems at all grabbing for his toys and will switch them from one hand to the other. He absolutely loves to play with his toes and loves sucking on them. I have lots of pictures of it. He loves to babble too, along with smiling. He has a smile just like Faith, where his whole face with light up...eyes and all. And he is smiling all the time. He is still insanely ticklish and loves to be kissed (which I obviously don't mind!!!). He is just such a lovable little boy.

On this trip I have really realized that I have been underestimating Faith. The thins she can help with, I never even thought she could do. When we get back home I'm going to start letting her help me cook and set the table. Until we got here where we have been visiting the past few weeks did I know how much she loves to set the table. Well ok little lady, have at it!!! She is just becoming this big girl.

And my dear little Samantha. Turning 2 has been hard on her! She has definitely become more stubborn. I was finally able to catch her with a smile on camera. I will upload them all tomorrow since it is still on my camera. She is letting me kiss on her more now though, so no complaints here! She is just in that phase where you're not sure what you are going to get. Still hasn't been as hard as when Faith was going through the 2-year phase. It absolutely kills me the things she can say now and it just makes me laugh to hear her talk.

I can't even begin to describe how blessed I am. I never want to try to imagine my life without any of these 3 little souls. Even on the hardest of days. They are such a joy and light in my life.

Now I have to admit something. It is absolutely crazy. Crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y. I'm crazy for thinking it. There are 2 couples here at the church who are having babies. Actually, 1 of them I do believe are going to have one tonight. It made me yearn to be pregnant again and go through it all over again. Did I mention crazy??? I thought it would take a lot longer to have this feeling again since my pregnancy with Elijah was so hard and then with all the breastfeeding woes. I seriously thought it would take at LEAST until Eli was a year to miss it. There is just absolutely no way we can even think about trying right now. None. Not gonna happen. We have to wait until Chris is done with school, or at least close to being done. It was so hard on both of us this last time. I was so sick, Chris had to pick up on stuff that I didn't have the energy to get through, along with trying to keep up with his own school stuff. It was just way to much on the both of us. Plus, I want to enjoy Elijah as the baby for awhile. I think the spacing with Samantha and Eli is perfect and wouldn't mind that same gap again. Of course I'm speaking on this with the hopes that 1) I'm able to get pregnant again, and 2) that I don't go through another round of miscarriages.

Still, we aren't even going to start trying until March of next year. I wonder though if it's normal. Do women who are done having kids still feel this way? Wish they could go through it again? Eh, who knows!

OK, guess I'm done for now. I wasn't expecting this to turn out so long.

These pics were from the middle of July, before we left on our trip, although I have more in my camera of him chomping away at his toes.



Did I mention he REALLY likes to suck on his toes?