Materialism and Christmas

Chris absolutely loves anything electronics. He always has. If he ever has any extra money, or gets money for his birthday, he buys something having to do with it. I never really got it before. There has never been anything that I felt compelled to spend my money on. That is, before I had children.

Now, if I have any extra money, I spend it on them. Usually nothing big, an outfit here or there. But it almost always goes to them.

So now, with Christmas upon us, I have been trying very hard not to fall into the trap of materialism. To not spend money on toys and things that really, they absolutely don't need. We don't have the room for it and they really don't need more toys. Granted, most of the toys they currently have were from birthday presents and Christmas presents from family. There are so many things that I see at stores and just think what a great present it would make and how much they would love it. And around Christmas I almost feel into the trap. Almost.

You see, I see family members who buy their children all this stuff for Christmas. It always starts off small, and then the bigger they get, the more expensive presents they have to buy. Their children just expect it. They expect their parents to spend hundreds of dollars on them.

I don't want to fall into that. I don't want to make Christmas into something that causes us to go broke, just to make our children happy. To raise our children to expect all of these materialistic things, and then be disappointed if they don't get the popular, expensive toy of the year. I want our children to love Christmas for the times we spend as a family and the traditions we make. I want them to recognize the need to give to others and not what you yourself get.

So, this year we are buying 1 toy each from Santa and a few things for their stockings. From daddy and I they mostly got different art supplies, as they love coloring and drawing, cutting and gluing. They got paint, watercolors, markers, glue sticks, construction paper, and things like that. And you know what? I know they will love it. They will use it all up. If we had just spent money on toy after toy, they would have loved it for a time, and then it would just get pushed to a corner and forgotten about.

It's an internal struggle not giving in. I love seeing my children happy. To see them getting things they will love. I'm just desperately trying not to raise them to fall into the materialistic trap that we here in the US are currently in. And it is definitely hard to go against the grain when everything around you tells you not to. I'm just trying to keep my eye on the bigger picture though and not on the instant gratification.

How do you stop thinking about something?

There is an area that Chris and I have talked about where we would love to end up, someday. We talked about it on our excursion this summer. We talked about the what-if's. We know the elders, one of which we know particularly well, we have met some of the other members. We didn't forsee it happening though for many many years, as the preacher there is young and from that area. We figured he would stay there for a long time to come.

However, last week we received an email from one of the elders letting us know that their current preacher will be getting married, going back to school for a different degree, and will be leaving around Thanksgiving. To say we were blown away and in shock is putting it mildly. He then went on to say that he put Chris's resume in the pot, and that it is the only one in. He also said that they were going to take their time and get some things in order before starting the interview process.

We have no idea on if they are planning on advertising the position, if they are just going to interview Chris, or when they are even going to "get serious". No idea. I want to read more into his emails, but I'm TRYING to take them at face value. It's been hard though because since he told us this it comes across my thoughts several times throughout the day. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I know that hasn't been possible since I read those first words saying the position was open.

We don't know how to proceed now though. Chris has a really really good shot at the job. It's somewhere we have talked about wanting to go for years. Now, no where else even sounds good. Not that there has been much advertised. It's just kind of a hard thing to go through. He said he guesses he will keep applying to other positions and then if anything else gets somewhat serious then he will talk to the elder, if we hadn't heard any news so far. He just doesn't want to get caught without a job by holding out for this one job, and then him not get it in the end.

So here I am, trying to PATIENTLY wait for more word from the congregation. TRYING not to think about it, but failing miserably.

Down in spirits

I don't know what is wrong with me. I've been battling this feeling for the past week. Down in spirits kind of feeling. I'm bone tired for absolutely no reason, which doesn't help. Or is perhaps the culprit. Not really sure.

I'm sleeping just fine at night. Friday night I was actually in bed before 9:00. And I slept until 6:30. And I was still exhausted. I tell you what, if I hadn't just had AF a few weeks ago and if I was nausous, I would actually think I was pregnant. That's how exhausted I am. Yes, I know I'm not pregnant, just in case that's what you are thinking. No, I will not be taking a test. Like I said, I had full blown AF just 2 weeks ago, that lasted the customary 7+ days, and I'm not sick.

It just has me feeling very grumpy, impatient, and just down.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

I hate feeling this way.

Job hunting

Can I just say I am sooooo not looking forward to this part, for when Chris is done with school. We want to go north too, which makes it that much harder. I'm also not looking forward to the mind games that I've seen some churches play.

There is 1 place that has shown interest in Chris, but they just aren't sure if they want to wait that long. They have brought up the topic a couple times on it being hard on us being away from family. We have tried telling them that that is not a problem for us. Our families have never been a huge part in our life and regardless if they choose Chris or not, we will be going somewhere not in Missouri when he is finished. We WILL be leaving, if they give him a job or not. I tried telling him that we were looking anywhere north between Washington and Maine.

I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that come June he will have a job. I have no doubts that God will take care of us, we just want to get going and get settled on wherever we are going.

Radio silence

It wasn't on purpose that I have been gone for so long. For the past month things have been moving and record speed and I've hardly had time to poke my head above the water and breathe, let alone come on here and blog. After Thursday I think things will start to slow down a bit. I seriously don't know how people thrive in environments like this, always having to be somewhere or do something. It's definitely not me and I am physically and mentally exhausted.

So what have I wanted to blog about but haven't been able to?

Well, we celebrated our 8 year anniversary on October 26. His mom came down that weekend for a visit and so Chris and I went out to dinner that Friday night, just he and I. It was great. We went to this hole-in-the-wall BBQ place that was hands down the best BBQ I have ever ate. When we first pulled up I was just thinking seriously, THIS is where you want to eat? I felt bad after I got my food!

Then on the 27th we celebrated Faith's 4th birthday. I still can't believe I have a 4 year old. Seriously, when did this happen? She is becoming more of a young girl every day and it honestly scares me. I'm not ready for her to grow up! We had cake with pink sprinkles, presents, and dance around the living room to the Beatles birthday song, as is our tradition. It was a great time. Unfortunately Chris was in the middle of finals and so we weren't able to celebrate much.

His finals were over on the 28th and so that Thursday we took everyone to Chuck-e-Cheeses and we all had a wonderful time playing games and eating pizza.

A couple of weeks ago Samantha started ice skating and Faith started her hockey. They are both absolutely loving it. Samantha skated around last night without the buckets and she was just so proud. And the concerns the hockey director had about Faith that I listed below...completely unfounded. She did wonderful. Like I told him, she may not talk to you but she WILL listen and follow directions. And it was so cute afterwards. There were some boys 7-8 years old waiting in the wings to get on the ice after they were done. Faith was the last one off. Each of the boys wanted her to hit their knuckles as she passed and most commented on how they liked her gloves (they are pink). It was just absolutely adorable that they did that for her and wasn't something you would expect from that age group. Made me even more excited for her to play.

On Thursday I have a devotional I'm doing for the student's wives and then I think things will slow down considerably. I definitely have more to blog about that's for sure!

Discrimination at it's finest

I knew Faith would have to deal with some form of discrimination as she wants to play a sport that is predominately played by males. I just wasn't expecting to hit that attitude so early on.

I'm not fond of the hockey director here at all. To be honest, I don't think he really wants Faith to play, just by the little things he throws into conversations. The other day we were there, I was with all 3 kids, and I had to ask him a question about something. As we were leaving he started talking to Elijah saying he has to get his mama a rule book so I can start reading it to him. HELLO...you KNOW both my daughters want to play, 1 of which is getting ready to play, so why would you not make that comment to all 3, just the 6 month old boy? Plus, he completely discredited the fact that I may just know a thing or two about hockey, and that as we watch games I explain different rules to them.

Because, you know, I am a woman, so I guess that means I don't know anything.

Sigh.

It's frustrating.

It's also the tone he has been using with me regarding Faith playing this October. "Well, are you SURE she is going to listen", "She does know that you won't be on the ice with her, doesn't she", "she DID throw a fit the last time I tried to take her out"

Yup, just 3 of the comments I heard from him just yesterday. It's always like that.

Just because she won't talk to someone doesn't mean she can't take direction. She has been with her learn to skate coach for 8 weeks...Faith has talked to her once. She always listens and does as she is asked, she just won't talk to her. Faith is really uncomfortable with one-on-one conversations with adults, especially when there are no other children around. I explained that to him and how she acts with the Learn to Skate coach.

Regarding the second comment, I seriously just wanted to deck him for that one. Yes, thank you genius. I don't go out with her now, why would it be any different? I go out on the ice with her on Saturday's during the open session skate, but she has been skating since January and I have never gone out on the ice with her during her lessons.

And regarding the fit she threw...that was almost a year ago. She was new to skating and she didn't know him and it was just Faith and the hockey coach. And what she did was not throw a fit, but she was scared and didn't want to go with him. She wouldn't let go of my leg. When there are other children around she is much more comfortable.

Do I know if she will do well? Just pop out on the ice without a moment of hesitation. No, of course not. But I'm not going to let her not try just because she may not do well. I'm not going to let her just hide away at home because she is afraid of new experiences. I think she will be hesitant, she is now even with her Learn to Skate, but I think she will do just fine. Only time will tell.

Getting ready for hockey

It has been a crazy time in our household lately and I just haven't been able to get on and blog, as much as I wanted to. There have been other things I have had to take care of and writing on here was pretty low on the totem pole. I think things are coming back around now though.

Since last Saturday Elijah completely stopped sleeping through the night. We kept hoping it would get better, but Chris and I were only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night. We were worn out! If finally hit me the other day that both the girl went through this as well right at the 6-7 month mark. In don't know if it is just my children, but so far we are 3 for 3. At this time all of them needed their own spaces to sleep, as they were always in my room at first. It's at this age that all of them have realized that the bed they see from their crib has mama in it and if I whine she will come and get me. So every time they all would just stand there in their crib, looking at me sleeping, and whine until I finally woke up.

So, Elijah is now in the closet. Ok, sounds worse than it is really. Chris's office was in the closet so it isn't too bad. We moved him out into our bedroom and moved Elijah's crib in. And guess what happened on the very first night of our new arrangement. He slept! He woke up at 5:30 am and was mad he couldn't find his pacifier. I found one for him and he laid right back down and fell back asleep. Ah the sleep was nice!

There is just no stopping the boy now. He crawls everywhere. He is now pulling up to standing on his own as well. Such a strong little boy! He has his second tooth that I officially called as through on Thursday.

One of the things I have been working on these past few weeks is getting Faith ready to start hockey. When I first wrote down everything we needed, then looked on the web for the costs of everything I just about had a heart attack and was wondering if she would really be able to play. Through lots of research though I was able to find some great deals. For instance, a new helmet would have cost $75.00 and the youth face cage that goes on it would have been another 17. I was able to get one on ebay w/ the cage for $18.50. Needless to say, I'm breathing much better now. It's been a little hard to find her size though because she is so skinny. The next big item are skates. We are going over to the rink today to go through some things the coach has to see if there are any her size. If not, the guy at the proshop said the skates we tried on her will be going on sale this week. Hopefully we will be able to get some from the coach since she will outgrow them so quickly.

I have also had to do research to find everything pink that I could. Needless to say, pink is quite the difficult color to find in the hockey world. We have gotten a few things though: Pink hockey socks, pink tape, pink laces. I got white gloves and I'm going to try dying them pink using some acid dye. Fingers crossed that will work! Once she gets her helmet in she fully plans on sprucing it up girlie style with some butterfly stickers.

It's quite funny to see how she wants to play such a male dominated sport yet still stay her pretty princess self. I love it! I don't think it will be hard at all to point her out on the ice! Once we have all of her gear we will definitely be taking pictures and putting them up here.

Every Saturday I take Faith to the rink for the free skate and go out on the ice with her. It is such a great time we have together. We have been doing this for a few months now and every single time it never fails that someone will ask how old she is. When I tell them she is 3 they are just beside themselves that she skates so good. I'm not exaggerating either. Every. Single. Saturday.

We were going to wait until January to start Samantha, closer to her 3rd birthday. But she is itching so bad to get out there and skate too. So...she will also be starting here in a few weeks when the next sessions start. She is so excited. Once she is able to skate on her own then she will be coming with us on Saturday as well.

So, I guess that is that. Posting a few pictures now that I have finally taken them off of the camera!

Samantha loving on baby bruder


One Sunday after church


Trying to play with sissy


He always wants to climb on top of things and then gets really mad when he can't get down


He followed me into the bathroom.

Musings of a 3 year old

Here is how our conversation went yesterday:

Faith: Mama, I prayed to God in my bed.

Me: That's very good Faith. It makes God very happy when we pray to him.

Faith: Yeah. I asked him if you could have a boy and a girl.

Me: Me just about dying laughing...you asked God if I could have TWINS?!?

Faith: Yeah, that way they could play together in your belly.

Ah yes, the wisdom of a 3 year old. I would hate for a baby in my belly to not have a playmate! I'm thinking we don't need to be reading the Dora book where her mom has B/G twins anymore!

That's not fair

Right now I have some lyrics from Rod Stewart running through my head. I hate that I'm feeling that way. I know I shouldn't feel that way. God has blessed us far more than we ever deserve. Yet, when I hear about a certain situation going on right now I want to act like a baby, stomp my foot, and yell THAT'S NOT FAIR! I am so mad at myself for feeling this way, and I'm praying for forgiveness. I don't need these negative thoughts and feelings in my life, and I know it isn't Godly in the slightest. I know we all have our faults, and I am definitely working on it.

Here's the lyrics:
Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have all the pain
Some guys get all the breaks
Some guys do nothing but complain

The downside of having a spit-uper and being on solids

What goes down orange must come up orange.

And after seeing this, Samantha replies, "That's disgusting".

Yes dear, yes it is.

6 month post, already!!!

I can't believe Elijah is a half year old already. It just doesn't seem possible. I will have to post pictures later because my camera battery died and is charging up.

He has been doing so much lately. He started crawling a couple of weeks ago, which just blows my mind. It can go anywhere he wants with no problems. It is so hard to keep the floor clean of little stuff with Faith and Samantha around so I'm constantly on the lookout. He is also pulling to a sitting position by himself from his tummy. He will just sit there until he is ready to move onto something else. He isn't saying anything with syllables yes, is just still cooing. If I remember right I believe the girls were that way too. They were really quick with the motor skills and just a little bit slower on the verbal skills. From what I understand that's usually the way they are. They will zoom through on one and will take a little longer on the other.

I just started him on solids last Monday. He had cereal all last week and then we started green beans yesterday. He loves them and gobbled it right up. And yeah, I have always waited until right at 6 months until I start solids. There really is no other reason except that I don't like changing routines. Adding solids makes me change the whole eating routine and trying to figure out what works in regards to how much formula he gets. What can I say, I'm lazy and I don't like change!

He sleeps from usually about 8:30 to 4:30. Then he gets a bottle and then will be back to sleep until about 7:30. I wasn't sure if he was waking up at 4:30-5:00 out of habit or because he really was hungry and so I checked with the doctor, just to be sure. She said more than likely he really is hungry since it has been about 8 hours since he ate. I just wanted to be sure because I don't want him waking up just out of habit thinking he gets to eat when he really isn't hungry.

95% of the time he gets put down in his crib awake and will fall asleep on his own. Most of the time he will fight it if we are holding him but if he gets put down he will go to sleep. Such a nice change from when Faith was a baby! He just gets his pacifier, his blanket, and he is good to go. He absolutely loves his blankie. And I know what you are thinking...a blanket...nooooooo, they aren't suppose to sleep with a blanket! I know, I know, but it is an afghan. There is absolutely no way he can suffocate in it. He loves slipping his fingers through it, pulling it up over his face, and going to sleep. Since he sleeps with it pulled over his head it is the only type of blanket I will let him sleep with.

His doctor appointment was today and he is now 17lbs, 15 oz and is 27 inches long. He is in the 50% for weight and 75% for height. I thought he would be in a higher percentile for weight because the boy is a little chunk. He has slimmed down a bit though since he started crawling. A lot of times when we are holding him he will just squirm like you wouldn't believe because he wants to get down and crawl around.

I have one huge huge grip about my peds office. The urgent care is right there next to the peds, it's just one big room basically. We were there today and there was a woman in a wheelchair because she was so sick, covered in a blanket, shaking, coughing (they finally came over and gave her a mask), and she was sitting right there in the peds section instead of over by urgent care. I was furious. One, they should have told her to move away from the peds section, two they should have had her in a room right away so they don't get others sick. They have the well-check kids off in a separate area but you still had to walk right by this lady to get to the front desk. One of the other women in the well check area was fuming mad too as she was in with her 1 week old. First off, why would you put urgent care right next to the peds, secondly, why would you have someone this sick just sitting right out in the open, where everyone had to walk right by. Just crazy!

Memories

In our preachers wives class our teacher wants us to tell of a good memory of our mothers at our next class. It shouldn't be that hard. Yet one or two is all I can come up with. I have a whole bank of bad memories. I mean, that can't be right can it? Are my bad memories just overwhelming the good ones? It's not like I was abused or anything. Yet I have a very limited amount of good memories. Was she the best mother, no...but I know she wasn't the worst either.

I wish she had never asked us this question because it's making me think of a lot of things that I had pushed down and out of my thoughts. It's making me reflect on some moments that I hadn't thought about as being bad, and seeing them through an adults view and thereby realizing just how bad it was. More and more moments keep popping up like that and I hate it. It's things I don't want to think about. Things about my childhood, before the age of 12, when I thought things weren't so bad. After the age of 12, forget about it, there isn't anything good I can come up with.

Like when I flipped my friends Jeep Cherokee 3 times across a highway in Dallas at 2 in the morning when I was 16, in which somehow no one was hurt (my friend had passed out after hitting her head on the roof of the car since she was sleep in the back seat and almost fell out the back hatch back when the back door ripped off, but she was alright). The cops had to take me back to the police station and kept asking me how to contact my mom so she could come and get me. I couldn't give them an answer. I had no idea where she was. That was a daily occurrence. My friends mom finally came and they let me go home with her so I wouldn't have to stay there at the station all night. And yes, staying out at 2am was a pretty regular thing for me at that age, even during school days. I had no parental guidance, sadly enough.

Once I became a Christian and I was around more families, I saw what I had been missing. Before then I didn't realize just how abnormal it was. Then it just made me sad that I didn't have the type of relationship with my mom that many other women have. After I saw how a real relationship was suppose to be it really made me sad that I didn't, and don't, have that with my own mother.

Maybe that's why that book I'm reading on Spiritual Mothering hit so close to home.

Why do I always have such a mish mash of things?

Remember that message just a few spots below on the email I have been waiting for. Yeah, still waiting. Sent another email Tuesday. Still nothing. I am hurt beyond words at the blatant disrespect by someone I considered a friend. I mean I brought something up, she offered something more to said plan and said she had to check on something before she could say for sure. That was at the beginning of August. The time for said plan is now coming and going very quickly. As in it will be squashed if I don't hear back in the next couple of days. Needless to say if I don't hear back there will be no more emails. Like I said, I'm just frustrated and completely hurt.

Ah well, just had to vent. I'm sure I'm just being oversensitive. As usual.

We are very quickly coming upon Elijah's 6 month mark. Absolutely unbelievable. I will be posting an update on him in a few days with all the goody information.

We have really hit a good routine here in our household. Which is the first time in about a year. It feels absolutely wonderful and I don't feel like I am so skatterbrained anymore. We are still continuing our daily morning bible studies, obviously, but now we are adding in some light schooling too. We are still going through our letters and sound as well as doing copywork for whatever letter we are working on. Throughout the last few months we have been doing the letter of the week program but quite frankly, it is moving way to slow for Faith. She is picking up most letters after the first day. I think we will be moving on to 2 letters a week from now on. 1 letter for a few days, and then moving on to another letter for a few days. We review every letter and its sound everyday. I have also started doing Phonics with her using the Phonics Pathways book. So far so good. I have to admit, teaching someone how to read, for me, is the most intimidating part. It's such a vital part of everything.

Samantha is picking up on some letters to since she sits with us at the table. I'm hoping that means it will be that much easier to teach her to read when the time comes. They still love doing the Starfall.com activities too so we will be keeping that. I've been working with Faith on counting to 50 too. She gets all the numbers until it's time to move up to 30, 40, or 50. She keeps forgetting which one comes next. And working with her on the days of the week and learning about what day yesterday was and what day tomorrow will be. We spend about 30 minutes in the morning on everything. I don't want it to be too rigid since I know we will have the next 15+ years to do formal work. Just keeping it light and fun.

Here are some more pictures from our trip this summer. Sorry it has taken so long to post. I have so many more in my camera that I need to get on the computer.

This is the first time in a long time I caught a REAL smile from Samantha!

Then I got another...

Back to pouty lips
But then yet another smile! My lucky day!



Ah yes, big sisters always have to do all the work...


So sweet!


Just ate...look at that belly pooch!



Just a happy little boy



Yup, still happy


Look what new thing I can do ma!



Enjoying a hay ride...they absolutely loved it







Pictures from Duluth and the North Shore coming soon!

Good book for the soul

Elijah just has not been sleeping well at all this past week. I don't know what is going on. Hopefully he will get back on schedule!

I've been reading this great book, "Spiritual Mothering". I actually bought it because I was looking for books to give me ideas on raising Christian children. It wasn't even close to that though. It was about older women being "spiritual mothers" to younger women. To being a great role model and really helping and motivating younger women. It has been a really motiviational book and has really opened my eyes to some things.

It really made me realize that this is what I was yearning for as a new, young Christian woman. I could never put to words what I was hungry for, but while reading this book I was reading exactly what I had wanted and needed but was never able to find. I never had a strong Christian older woman to help me grow, to show me how to be a better Christian woman, wife, and mother. I certainly don't have that in my own family nor do I have a good role model for a mother seeing how my own mother doesn't fit the bill.

Maybe that's why some of those websites I found that I talked about in the previous post really hit home. There were women living how I knew I should be but wasn't sure how. I was able to see first hand how to do it and to see it was possible to be the homemaker I wanted to be. Is that an odd thing to say? I want to be a great homemaker? But it's true. I want to be able to pass on these great skills to my own children.

And while I don't think I quite qualify as a young christian woman anymore, I was able to see what kind of effect it can have on someone if I take that role. How I can help someone grow stronger as a Christian. It's just really weird being at this age because I'm not exactly a young Christian yet I'm not an older Christian either. I'm somewhere in this middle ground.

Am I making any sense to anyone or am I just sounding like a big rambling mess?

The 3 H's

What are the 3 H's you ask? Well, right now they are Homeschooling, Homesteading, and Homemaking. Ok, homesteading and homemaking are kind of the same, just not really. These are just some things I have been working on lately.

Have you heard of the term homesteading? The "modern" term I guess you can say, not the 1800's type of homesteading. I had a thought that I would try to start making my own laundry soap. I've heard great things about it and it will save a ton of money, seeing as how we are always doing laundry now. So I went online and was pulling up some different ways to make it and I ran across some Christian Homemaking websites and thus ran across some homesteading websites. Apparently it is a lifestyle in which you choose to live a life of self-sufficiency. There were so many things that were appealing to me, just doing things on your own. Now I don't think I could COMPLETELY live this way, but I would love to eventually incorporate some of these things into our life. Of course, after Chris graduates and we are no longer living in an apartment. I didn't even know there was a term for it, but there were a lot of good blogs about it. Which then got my mind reeling on something else...

Christian homemaking. Through reading some of these wonderful women's blogs I have really been able to get a better light on how I should be handling our household. Especially since I'm not really working any more. It also gave me some great, healthy recipies that I have been incorporating into our breakfast and dinners. I have started making whole wheat bread, although my first batch didn't go quite so good. Turns out somehow the oven got turned off and so after an hour I took it out of the oven and it completley fell. I didn't know what was going on. Turned out the outside was cooked, the inside was completely raw. I was able to put it back in the oven, and it cooked just fine, it was just really small since it had fell. I'm going to try again later.

I can't even explain as well as I would like the effect some of these blogs had on me. It really opened my eyes as to how to do things and manage things.

Ok, looks like the homeschooling thread will have to have it's own post...I'm off to bed!

Email etiquette

It really drives me nuts when I send someone an email asking a question, needing some support, and that person will not write back. Even when asked a second time when they haven't responded in a few weeks. I mean, if you are afraid of offending me with the answer, don't be, I am an adult and can take whatever your advice/answer may be. What's more offending is simply acting like I don't exist.

Sigh.

I've been waiting for this particular email for 3 weeks. Sent another email a week ago today. Still nothing. It's so frustrating!

Busy little bee

It has been a busy last few weeks. It was decided that we would head back home a week earlier than planned. We were told they were just exhausted from having us (they were 70+). Not quiet sure if I believe that though because the only time we came upstairs was to go outside or if they were eating or if I had to give them a bath. The rest of the time we stayed downstairs in the basement. It was hard staying with people you don't know for a length of time. I just always felt like I was in the way or was disturbing someone. I just hope I didn't do anything. I don't want something I did to look bad upon Chris or the person who recommend us for the internship. They talked to Chris about us leaving on Wednesday and I hurried and packed up everything and we left Thursday morning. They did ask that we not be offended and that we could stay for a few days if we wanted, but I don't stay where I'm not wanted. I hate to say but it sure did bring up some bad memories of being kicked out at 17 (for no reason other than my mom found out it was legal and she wanted to move to another city to be closer to her boyfriend) and a lot of feelings of self-consciousness. Who knows, maybe they really were just tired.

We had a great time up in Minnesota though and met some wonderful people who I hope will always be friends.

On Monday Chris will be starting back to school. It's nice to know that this is his last year but we are all going to miss seeing much of him for the next 10 months. It will be back to being like a single mom. =( I miss having him as my partner and the girls miss him terribly too. BUT this is his last year and so every day is one step closer, every day is a "last". It will be his last first quarter, his last time he will have a class on so-and-so day, etc. And THAT is so exciting. The thing I'm not so excited about is trying to find a job. He thinks he is going to start looking in Jan of next year so hopefully that will give him some time. We are both just really nervous that he won't have anything yet by the time he graduates in June. I mean, we have 3 children and the thought of no money coming in makes me sick to my stomach. Ugh! I keep telling myself to just trust in God and He will take care of us. I absolutely know this is true but at the same time I struggle to let go of control.

I just know that nothing ever is easy for us. We have been together for 11 years and everything is always the hard way. It's nothing knew, but it's just frustrating when you see others with everything just drop in their laps. It's tough when its someone who you see on a daily basis. Like someone he goes to school with got a job he didn't even know he was trying out for when he doesn't graduate for another year. I can't even imagine having that burden lifted knowing that Chris had a job after he graduated before the last year even began. I am really happy for him and his family, and for the congregation he will be preaching for as he is a great preacher all ready, I just hope this isn't another time for us to be having to take the hard road. I just wish things would come easily for us for a change. Whine whine whine! Ok, I'm over it. No more whining!

So, that's where we are. I'm just trying to get some things done around the house while I still have an extra set of hands, things that probably won't get done again until he is done with school. Which hopefully won't need to be done then either because we will be packing to move.. ;-)

Control

I'm having a hard time trying to not let my anger win when it comes to someone who has never had a child be critical and judgmental of me and my children. Yes, Faith is only 3, she does make a mess when she eats. Regardless of where she sits, there is potential for a bit of a mess. Especially said mess is a biscuit that crumbles when you eat it. Yes, Samantha is only 2. She cries. A lot when she gets tired. Yelling at her and telling her to stop is not going to make her stop. Especially since you are a stranger.

This does not make me a bad mother nor does it give you the right to try to correct my children.

I'm just sayin...

It's beautiful up here, but I'm ready to be in my own space again and on my own schedule.

No more pictures for the time being

I have so many pictures to get off my camera that I want to upload on here. Cute pictures of Elijah when he turned 5 months, cute pictures of Sam where I actually got her smiling, pictures of all of us when we went to Duluth yesterday and got a couple of cute family pictures.

Why don't I upload them on here already you ask? (not that you really asked)

My camera is dead. The battery is drained. I could have swore that I packed the charger. I remember setting it out so I wouldn't forget it. BUT I can't find it anywhere. I'm assuming that I did forget it and it is sitting somewhere other than where I need it to be. Turns out another battery is like 50 bucks...um, no thanks! I'm going to try to hunt down a charger, if it's cheap enough.

I really hope I'm able to find one. Now that our car is fixed we have places to go, places to be...which means lots of pictures to take! Grrr!

Random pics from the end of June/beginning of July

I hate that it adds these in backwards. So it is from July 9th on the top to the end of June on the bottom.

He was talking to his froggy...

Why, hello mama!!!!

Oh, sorry froggy, I wasn't ignoring you...

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Yup, he was out that fast. All of a sudden it got really quiet.
Samantha sleeping with her kitty. She has slept with it for over a year.

4th of July...obviously. We were in a parade! She ate this box of nerds one nerd at a time.







Not only does he like to suck on them, but also talk to them.

Sleeping nice and cozy


Sissy giving him some lovin

5 months, where does the time go?

Today, just 5 short months ago, sweet little Elijah came into this world. It's such a strange feeling, and one I no doubt have blogged about before. The feeling of I can't believe it has only been 5 months (as in, that was fast), and also the feeling of it has really ONLY been 5 months (as in, it feels like he has been with us forever). I know I have felt this way with all 3 of them. He is really in a fun phase right now where he is rolling everywhere but not mobile enough for me to have to keep an insane watch on him.

I can't remember where I found the milestones list that I had when we was 4 months and quite honestly, I'm too tired to look now. Here' s a little list though. Obviously he is rolling both stomach to back and back to stomach, and does it to get from point A to point B. He is also able to kind of scootch forward if something is a little out of reach. His eyesight is absolutely spot on. He can see me or his bottle from across the room. He also sees small objects. He has no problems at all grabbing for his toys and will switch them from one hand to the other. He absolutely loves to play with his toes and loves sucking on them. I have lots of pictures of it. He loves to babble too, along with smiling. He has a smile just like Faith, where his whole face with light up...eyes and all. And he is smiling all the time. He is still insanely ticklish and loves to be kissed (which I obviously don't mind!!!). He is just such a lovable little boy.

On this trip I have really realized that I have been underestimating Faith. The thins she can help with, I never even thought she could do. When we get back home I'm going to start letting her help me cook and set the table. Until we got here where we have been visiting the past few weeks did I know how much she loves to set the table. Well ok little lady, have at it!!! She is just becoming this big girl.

And my dear little Samantha. Turning 2 has been hard on her! She has definitely become more stubborn. I was finally able to catch her with a smile on camera. I will upload them all tomorrow since it is still on my camera. She is letting me kiss on her more now though, so no complaints here! She is just in that phase where you're not sure what you are going to get. Still hasn't been as hard as when Faith was going through the 2-year phase. It absolutely kills me the things she can say now and it just makes me laugh to hear her talk.

I can't even begin to describe how blessed I am. I never want to try to imagine my life without any of these 3 little souls. Even on the hardest of days. They are such a joy and light in my life.

Now I have to admit something. It is absolutely crazy. Crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y. I'm crazy for thinking it. There are 2 couples here at the church who are having babies. Actually, 1 of them I do believe are going to have one tonight. It made me yearn to be pregnant again and go through it all over again. Did I mention crazy??? I thought it would take a lot longer to have this feeling again since my pregnancy with Elijah was so hard and then with all the breastfeeding woes. I seriously thought it would take at LEAST until Eli was a year to miss it. There is just absolutely no way we can even think about trying right now. None. Not gonna happen. We have to wait until Chris is done with school, or at least close to being done. It was so hard on both of us this last time. I was so sick, Chris had to pick up on stuff that I didn't have the energy to get through, along with trying to keep up with his own school stuff. It was just way to much on the both of us. Plus, I want to enjoy Elijah as the baby for awhile. I think the spacing with Samantha and Eli is perfect and wouldn't mind that same gap again. Of course I'm speaking on this with the hopes that 1) I'm able to get pregnant again, and 2) that I don't go through another round of miscarriages.

Still, we aren't even going to start trying until March of next year. I wonder though if it's normal. Do women who are done having kids still feel this way? Wish they could go through it again? Eh, who knows!

OK, guess I'm done for now. I wasn't expecting this to turn out so long.

These pics were from the middle of July, before we left on our trip, although I have more in my camera of him chomping away at his toes.



Did I mention he REALLY likes to suck on his toes?

Holy growth spurt batman

Chris and I both were thinking yesterday that it didn't seem like Elijah was as chunky as he had been. I wondered if he had gone through a growth spurt and so I got the tape measure out. Sure enough, in the last 2 1/2 weeks, he has grown 1 1/4 inches! So I guess that was a resounding YES.

We have been noticing that he is trying to crawl. Seriously. He isn't even 5 months yet. He can push his entire chest up, get his legs underneath him, and lurch forward a bit. Or, he just curls up his toes while on his belly and will scootch forward that way. I am so not ready for crawling. He isn't suppose to be starting this for a few more months. Why can't my babies just like to be babies for awhile. Sigh. It just goes way to fast. If he doesn't do that, he will just roll to wherever he wants to go.

A travelin we will go

It has been a whirlwind week. Last Monday we had the car all packed up and left out on our great summer adventure. Tonight is the first night I am finally able to sit down and blog about it all. Here is everyone right before we set out. First stop, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Miles: 535.





I was wondering just how long those smiles would last. Thankfully, due to the video player, it lasted just about the whole time with the girls. Eli was the one I was really worried about. He had been going through a phase where he always wanted to be held.

Well, Eli would get cranky of course when he was hungry, so I would just pop on back and give him a bottle. When he would get tired or would just need some attention either Chris or I (depending on who was driving of course) would just sit back there for awhile. He did absolutely wonderful. After about 9 hours or so on the road we finally got to our hotel. Ah sweet hotel stay number 1. It was probably one of the best hotels I've stayed in. We had an awesome continental breakfast. Definitely spoiled us for the rest of the trip. We unload the car and got to relax for a little while. Morning came way to earlier, packed up the car for the second leg of the trip. Next stop, Sturgis, South Dakota. Miles: 375.

Call me crazy, but I absolutely love the state of South Dakota. I loved being back in this state and I was so looking forward getting back to the Black Hills. The kiddos all did amazing, again. We stopped in the Badlands to get a tshirt that we weren't able to get last time we were there, then hopped back in the car for the final miles to our hotel stay numbers 2 and 3 in Sturgis. It was nice to be in a hotel for a couple of days this time. We got to the hotel and relax for a short time and then we headed over to one of the elders house for some good home cooked dinner. Such a nice change to the garbage we had been eating on the road. It was such a great time of fellowship. It had been a couple of years since we had seen them and it was so nice to see our friends again. They got to hear from Chris about what all he has been doing in school and they were very impressed with what they had been learning. We got back to the hotel really late that night. After the girls were in bed I leaned in to give Samantha a kiss on her forehead and she was burning up. Blah! Out Chris goes to hunt down some Tylenol. Luckily her fever broke a few hours later. She caught a bit of a cold but was doing good the next morning.

On Wednesday we decided to go and take a tour of a mine. This one to be exact:



We waited just a short time...



30 minutes later, tour over. It was ok, just not as good as I was expecting. See...proof we all made it out!


(Do I really look that fat in person? Really? Chris said what do you expect, you just had a baby 4 months ago, and it's not like you have a personal trainer. I say, that's no excuse. I look gross. Again, do I seriously look like that?)

We also took a drive through Spearfish canyon since we weren't able to our first time in the Black Hills. Ah, such amazing beauty. I would live here if I could I love it so much. Stopped to take a picture of one of the waterfalls. Ok, I did more than take a picture. I ignored the do not hike signs (in all fairness, EVERYONE ignored the sign) and hiked over to the base of the waterfall. It was the first one I had ever seen and it was just beautiful.


Then, back to the hotel where we all rested for a few hours before heading over to the church. The wonderful ladies there had a potluck dinner for us and then it was time for Chris to preach. It was his first time preaching for them, and it turned out I was far more nervous than he was. I just wanted them to see what a great blessing the school has been. He did really good and they were all very please. Whew. We ended up staying there and vising with everyone for a few hours afterward and again got back to the hotel quiet late.

Then, pack up the car again and head to hotel number 3. Next stop, Mankato, MN. Miles: 550.

Goodbye Black Hills, I will miss you


OK, as much as I love South Dakota, driving through the state twice in just a couple of days...not so much fun. It takes about 5 1/2 hours to drive across it, and a lot of the land is, well, flat. And boring. Just fine once, but to go through twice in just a few days was hard. As if the state knew that you would need a break from the boringness, it gets really beautiful again by the Missouri River. Which, by the way, is so amazingly clear up there. We just get the muddy mess by the time it gets down here to Missouri. The flat and vast land starts to roll a bit.


And then quite a bit more. The pictures really doesn't do it justice. It is really pretty. (just don't mind the buggy smeared windshield.


Then pop over a hill and tada...the clear Missouri River.


Then, back to flat land. No need for pictures. Chris actually drove all the way through. We stopped back in Sioux Falls for some lunch and then I drove the rest of the way to Mankato. So...no pictures. Although, most of the drive wasn't much different than in South Dakota. Most of the drive was in Minnesota but bordering on Iowa...so lots and lots of flat farm land. Finally get to Mankato. Same old, same old. Unpack the car, sleep, pack it back up.

Final stop, Virginia, MN. Miles: 276.

Can I just say, driving through St. Paul/Minneapolis...so NOT FUN! The roads were a mess, the drivers were bad, and our Tom Tom thingy told us to get off on an exit when we were suppose to stay on the highway. We finally got back on though and were back on our way. Road construction going on, of course, as it was the entire trip. So here is where it got a bit interesting. When we were in the Black Hills the TCS (traction control system) button went off as well as the check engine. Grrrr. We were hoping it would resolve itself because my van likes to let the check engine light come on for no reason. The next morning, all warning lights were off. Then, about an hour into when I was driving it came back on. The car wasn't doing anything differently, on we drove. Well, we stopped for gas about 90 miles from Virginia. Chris was accelerating hard to get back on the highway and it starts to sputter. My heart stopped. Here we are in the middle of no where. I was just thinking please don't die, please don't die. He let off the gas and it was fine. About 20 miles later (and both of us just praying we get here) he goes to pass a car, accelerates heavy, same thing happens.

So um, yeah. Here we are hundreds of miles from home and we are having car problems. We having been driving around just a little around town and if he doesn't accelerate too fast it is fine. We can't get it in the shop until Thursday. We are just hoping and praying that it isn't something too expensive because 1) we don't exactly have just tons of money sitting in the bank and 2) it's not like we can GET to our bank to deposit what little money we have in savings. What ticks me off even more is the fact that we just put about $1,000 into this stupid car before we left so we could AVOID this exact problem. We had all the belts changed out, new tires put on, oil and fuel whatever changed. If it is going to be a costly fix I don't know what we are going to do. Chris thinks it is some sensor du-hicky (sorry, don't know car lingo). He said if it is what he thinks it is, he will be surprised if it gets fixed for less than 500 bucks. Yup, that number makes me sick to my stomach. We have never had a problem with this thing. Ever. Until now of course. I hate that they couldn't get it in sooner because now I just get to keep thinking about it.

Guess we will do what we have to do. For now we are just hanging out and enjoying some amazing weather. Low 70's at the end of July. Ah, a girl could get use to this!






(And no, Samantha is still not letting me take her picture. She won't look at me, let alone smile)

Whew, and that now brings us up to date.